I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
