Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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