For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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