Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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