the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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