Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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