saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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