Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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