So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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