Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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