Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
