Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
