I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
