Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
