Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I have fence marks all over my body
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
