he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize