omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
