he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
