it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
