using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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