They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
