Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
