No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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