In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
