i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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