If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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