he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
