do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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