I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
