my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
