Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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