and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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