i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
