ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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