Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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