I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
