Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
