I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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