Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
