Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
