I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
