I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
