The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
