I skipped work to stalk him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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