So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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