I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize