Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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