Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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