hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
