I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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