I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
