I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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