You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
