So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
