Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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