I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize