wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
