it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
