vagina is talking i cant
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
