i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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