If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
