you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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