My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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