Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
