We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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