we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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