I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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